bad ideas about airlines

I talk about this to basically everyone, so let’s write it down: Magic Airlines. Magic Airlines is almost certainly financially impossible, but here’s the spec.

• You cannot check a bag on Magic Airlines. When you book your first Magic Airlines ticket, Magic Airlines will send you a carry-on, which we guarantee to fit. No other large carry-ons are permitted.
  • Magic Airlines will enforce this by hiring literal bouncers at the gate to go with our charming gate agents, and refunding tickets aggressively for customers who complain.
  • Magic Airlines will also send an optional under-the-seat backpack, which, again, we guarantee to fit.
• Magic Airlines has no first class or business. There are no loyalty programs. Seats will be assigned based on connection requirements, followed by customer preference.
• Magic Airlines will board in first-come-first-servered order, which we know to be much faster than current loyalty / fare zone nonsense. Combined with every carry-on fitting instantly, we expect to board faster than every airline in the world, get into the take-off line faster and get customers off the plane faster on the other side.
• Magic Airlines will empower gate agents to communicate about delays and cancellations using human language — instantly making us the best airline in the world, in terms of communication policy and flexibility in case of problems